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Mike Tasos: As Labor Day is upon us, I take on accounting, mosquitoes and nuptials
Mike Tasos

In normal times, Labor Day would be the last hurrah before the big three holidays — Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

We’d be wearing thumbs out trying to watch every college football game from Saturday morning to evening. There would be a run on wings and cheese dip.

That kind of shortage is but a memory, one that can be jogged by harkening back to when sights of lunatics fighting over 24-packs of Charmin was the norm. 

Ah, COVID nostalgia.

Labor Day should be a day of rest. Picnics, baseball, paying homage to a grilled rack of ribs.

This year, it’s an oxymoron. 

Not only are things off in the world, it feels like I’ve been off for six months. Not much laboring.

This working at home stuff is maddening. I can’t take it anymore. I need to spread my wings and fly. I haven’t been near the airport in six months. It’s been like being on a warped vacation.

I’m back on a Delta flight this week. I’m in a Marriott for a night. It’s like dipping a toe in the water. Just want to make sure it won’t fall off. I can’t afford to part ways with another one.

-I better bring a mask. Tough decision: go with the Trump mask, the Notre Dame mask or don one in basic black? I know Nancy Pelosi didn’t need one this week. Her saying she was set up was hilarious. I keep thinking: She aint right!

-Nancy’s video at the salon was a jumpstart for Halloween. The clip of her padding around sans mask and makeup was downright scary. I hear they’re making a movie about her stylist. It’s a remake of “The Miracle Worker.”

-A shout out to teachers and their dealing with video lessons. Like Broadway performers, they feed off audience (student) feedback. It’s not an optimal learning environment. 

I know of what I speak. Having taken a 46-year break from accounting classes, I’ve been marveling at how Greg’s teacher, LaTreva Thompson, keeps college students engaged and on their toes. 

Not only have I lost accounting principles last visited in 1974, I had forgotten how terrifying, albeit effective, the Socratic method can be. How in the world are elementary, middle-school and high-school instructors keeping it together?

Welcome to making the best of the new normal.

-And I beg all teachers to ramp up simple hints to prevent incidents that have helped transform some cities into war zones. 

Law officer says: “Hands up,” free cafeteria ice cream if your hands are in the air. Ditto for “Don’t move,”  “On the ground,” and “Drop The gun.”

For the life of me, I cannot understand why that concept is so difficult. It’s gotta be attributable to stupidity or stubbornness. 

Now, if the officer commands you to throw a lit Roman Candle or rock at him, that’s an entirely different set of rules. By all means, fire away.

-The Cumming Fair is on a (hopefully) one-year sabbatical. What’s going to become of all those turkey legs, funnel cakes and deep-fried Oreos. That’s a home-cooked meal for some of the fairgoers. 

-High school football isn’t starting until January in California. Here, it is already underway. What else can Governor Nitwit Newsom screw up next?

-Riots? Riots, you say. You want riots in the South? Try cancelling football and watch the frozen water bottles fly.

-Got the yard sprayed for mosquitoes. It works and is well worth it. Not to be nasty, but I hope those little winged blood suckers died a slow painful death.

-Overheard at the dentist office reception desk: “Do I have to keep my mask on when I’m getting my teeth cleaned?” Some people probably shouldn’t be allowed to breathe.

-Can’t-miss business idea I hatched during a COVID-idleness jag: Q-tips in the shape of a car key. Anyone looking to make a fortune?

-Finally, no matter what I put on the grill, the highlight of the holiday weekend will be attending the wedding/reception of Cpl. Judson Howard USMC and Chloe Faith Stewart Howard. It is an honor to be invited.

Mike Tasos’ column appears every other weekend. He’s going to miss being in his office for phone-scamming calls. It’s a treat to call them back and inflict misery. He can be reached at He is also on Facebook.