Fall is here. Never mind what your calendar says. Official season starts don’t seem to matter any more.
The schools dynamite summer the first week in August. Property tax bills come in July, even though we don’t have to pony up until November.
The most egregious offense is spying Christmas decorations on full display before Labor Day. Offending merchants should be sentenced to a two-night stretch.
Forget jail. Make them prowl the aisles in a Walmart, being exposed to the whackos we’ve all seen pictures of via emails.
No doubt they exist. After all, it’s Walmart. Late-night denizens of all sorts of dress (and undress) rule the night.
That’s certainly fitting for a retailer where satanic Bibles, other related books and even jewelry that honors Old Scratch can be purchased.
If those materials aren’t stocked, check with customer service, where I’m sure a clerk can fill your Christmas stockings with presents that make “The Exorcist” look like a Disney flick.
Do you reckon Sam Walton would have gone for that? Me neither.
So let’s do our part to make Walmart as irrelevant as “fake news” will be in the upcoming months. CNN’s current ratings plummet is nothing compared to what’s about to happen.
Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper will be talking to each other instead of a TV audience. The competition is about to chew them up and spit them out.
No, I’m not referring to Fox News. They drive me crazy too and I don’t see them thriving either, although Greg Gutfeld’s show is highly entertaining.
Note to TV executives: A little laughter and irreverence can take the bite out of depressing news offerings. And oh yeah, misrepresenting President Trump’s actions is not “breaking news” to anyone but you.
News shows are boring.
Sitcoms struggle to make you laugh.
But college football is here and all is right with the world.
A political argument is nothing compared to a Georgia-Georgia Tech fan sparring.
The over-under for serious injuries at a gathering of ’Bama-Auburn fans is eight. Probably sensible to have early and late dinner seatings in order to minimize medical bills and fistfights.
Southern football fans, many of whom grew up watching Dusty, Nature Boy and the like on TV, come by their respective penchants honestly when it comes to settling differences, whether it be via cage match or loser leave town.
ESPN’s College Game Day, probably my favorite show on the airwaves, is riding the popularity, having two broadcasts this past week.
Crazy fans, engaging hosts, entertaining stories and information add up to a Saturday morning staple across the land. The DVR is a blessing every week.
I can’t help but think Lee Corso is in overtime and doesn’t have that many more “not-so-fast” quips in him.
Let’s cue-up the Dog Walk, Touchdown Jesus, Big Al, The Swamp, War Eagle, Boomer Sooner, Bevo, Trojans, Ducks, Bayou Bengals and all the others to keep us entertained.
And they will.
Thank heavens we won’t be lonely until the national championship game in early January.
Before that, we can hope the Braves make the playoffs and go deep. But face it, we’ve been down that road too many times.
Good chance SunTrust Park will be a ghost town come October.
So get out your car flags, sweatshirts, tailgate supplies, ice chests, nacho recipes, grills and all that sacred paraphernalia and buckle up for this wonderful ride.
Let’s be nice to one another. Y’all in Athens be nice to my Irish when they come to visit next month.
No swearing at the leprechaun.
Mike Tasos’ column is published every other Sunday. He could care less about the NFL season. It doesn’t seem like there’s anticipation for the season to start. Comments can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. He is also on Facebook.