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Mike Tasos: Paying too much for bad internet to watch nothing on TV
Mike Tasos

Unless you are a Los Angeles native, the name Allan Malamud, will mean little or nothing to you. 

He was a fixture in that city’s sports writing scene, writing for the defunct Herald-Examiner until being hired by the Times. He suddenly died in 1996 way too early at the age of 54.

More importantly, he was my friend. Every time I see “Tin Cup,” “White Men Can’t Jump,” “Blue Chips,” “Raging Bull” or any other film he was in, I am grateful to have a good thought for the guy who was a mentor and friend, so many years ago.

His column, “Notes on a Scorecard,” was jammed with tidbits of information. Times Sports Editor Bill Dwyre opined: “If you were a sports fan, Malamud was your Bible.”

With apologies to Allan, here’s my feeble attempt to pay a tribute to him:

Life is mostly attitude and timing: Perfect time to maintain my personal boycott of the NFL. Haven’t watched a minute this year and if the Falcons are as bad as FCN sports columnist Denton Ashway claims, I’m way ahead of the curve. Terrible team, terrible coach with an owner a shark cruising blood-filled waters. Right on the mark, Denton. Adios Coach Quinn.

Plenty of time on your hands (doesn’t have to be non-NFL Sundays): Take a leisurely drive around town and count the “under-construction” projects. There are too many to count. And whoever lays out the orange cones or barrels should abate the cruel practice of shrinking the lanes. The Yugo is dead and no one is driving a clown car.

All those who told us “TV is a waste of time,” had a better crystal ball than any of those roadside psychics. The epiphany this week: I’m getting my back pocket pilfered by paying too much for channels I don’t watch. 

The DirecTV watching scorecard: “The Goldbergs,” “Schooled,” College Game Day, college football, MLB, occasional wrestling (less-and-less every week), an occasional PBS show or concert. My AT&T internet is so slow and intermittent you could read a book in the time it takes to browse.

So what to do? I can save more than $100 month with Xfinity, but here’s the real deal-breaker for AT&T. Three AT&T employees have told me, in so many words: AT&T will not get better because there’s no investment in the product. Comcast/Xfinity is better!

Yikes. That’s like a Publix employee telling you: “Don’t shop here. Kroger is wayyyy better.” Hulu, Netflix, Amazon TV, and other services seem to fit personal shrinking TV needs.

I’m ready to buy in to those “Pay for what you watch services.”

Local TV news: Minimal local sports, a little weather is for you. Providing you want to sit through a Mickey Spillane-sized dose of crime. Murder, robbery, scamming business being exposed, lawyer ads promising to get you millions from a toe-stub, car ads promising to practically pay you to drive off in a new car.

I guess the millions you get from a torn-up toe can be used to afford a car with a $119 per month payment. Can you imagine buying a car and having 84 months of payments?

My advice: Stay right here in Cumming, keep the money local, keep the trade-in negotiations separate from the car price and see how it goes.

With all the crime in Atlanta, a John Wayne-type would be most welcome. Fair and no mind to take any guff from criminals. 

We in the South are on the right track. It’s most curious that Trump rallies up north (Minnesota) turn out to be fiascos. Do you think those vermin in black masks, most of whom couldn’t spell “vote” if you gave them the “V” and the “O” will practice the thuggery at rallies close to our part of the country?

It wouldn’t fly. But what I wouldn’t give to see one of our church-going ladies, who grew up watching Dusty Rhodes, grab the ear of a wannabe socialist and lead them outside. They’d cut a switch and spelling would be the least of their problems.

The women would lay a pot-knot on someone’s head. And I imagine there are scores of John Wayne’s just itching to take a pull of whiskey and channel Rooster Cogburn.

Now that’s a local newscast I would watch.

Mike Tasos’ column is published every other Sunday. He thinks the college football season is going way too fast. We have a ways to go and Braves spring training season starts in February. That should get him through winter. Comments can be sent to He is also on Facebook.