I have always believed — old fashioned though it may be — that when it comes to courtship, men should be the pursuers. The way that I see it is that a woman’s place is to wait on a man’s attentions, not throw herself in front of him, jump up and down, flail her arms and make sure he notices her.
Trust me on this: No good comes from this kind of bass-ackwards (as Mama would say) pursuit.
Now, call me old-fashioned, for I am. Say I’m out-of-date and behind the times. For, apparently, I am. But give me credit for dignity and wisdom for I have both.
Thanks to three dear guy friends, I know I’m right, for I have watched slack-jawed as women have made pure fools over themselves for these guys. I have taken the calls and e-mails from these friends who have all asked, "What am I going to do? How can I get rid of her?"
I feel a deep embarrassment for these women and more than a bit of annoyance that they shame the rest of our gender with such un-ladylike behavior.
When I was growing up, Mama lectured constantly, "You don’t call a boy. Ever. You let him call you." She said it in the same kind of tone as "You don’t kill someone. Ever."
Once when I was in college, I needed a date for a party. After much debate and asking for Mama’s permission, I called a guy whom I was just starting to date. I was a shaking nervous wreck. Pitiful. His mama answered the phone and I thought I was going to throw up. Mama had succeeded in psychologically damaging me for life. It was the last such phone call I made to a guy.
While Mama was trying to raise me as a lady, she was also wise enough to know this: A man is not interested in a woman until he decides he is interested. And until he decides he is interested, he is a complete waste of any woman’s time.
A man will not engage emotionally until his heart and mind decides. Women are different. A man can pursue a woman who is not, at first, interested and change her mind. But a woman cannot change a man’s mind when it comes to the affairs of the heart.
One of my friends works for the U.S. Treasury. He met a woman through a co-worker and went out with her once. He called her a couple of times and the woman went nuts over him. The more he pulled away, the harder she fought. She begged, she cajoled and she texted, called or e-mailed a dozen times a day. He pulled away and stopped responding.
Then, she sent him an e-mail that was longer than some books I’ve written. Oh. My. Goodness. She told way too much. When she asked him if he had checked her tax returns and knew she had not filed her taxes in a couple of years, I was knocked over by her stupidity.
"Is that why you’re not calling me?" she asked. My friend was horrified. "I don’t have access to that kind of information," he said to me. "And if I did, I’d never to do that."
Two other guy friends, both good looking and accomplished, have been stalked repeatedly by women. Both of them have been embarrassed by women who used social networking sites to proclaim they were "in a relationship" with each guy, both times after only one date. The women have posted comments and a photo or two. It’s embarrassing for everyone. I’m embarrassed and I have nothing to do with it.
So, I’m old-fashioned. I have never and will never chase a man. Apparently, doing so, just allows a woman to make a fool out of herself.
I am perfectly capable of doing that in other ways.