Bold, daring, unafraid, and venturing where no seer, sage or soothsayer has gone before, here once again we present The Great Dentoni’s Fearless Forecast for the Sports Year 2010:
January: Do they really want him back? Urban Meyer’s leave of absence begins right after coachless Cincinnati mauls the Gators, 28-13, in the Sugar Bowl. “I don’t feel real good,” acknowledges Meyer. “I need some time off.” Tech drubs Iowa, 42-40, prompting coach Paul Johnson to remark, “Maybe coach Richt had it right; maybe we need some new defensive coaches.” The best bowl game ever sees TCU outlast Boise State, 72-70, in eight overtimes. When Alabama defeats Texas, 6-0, in a game as dull as dry toast for the mythical national championship, the entire nation erupts against the BCS. The Falcons, with no kicking game, lose to Tampa Bay to keep their non-consecutive-winning-seasons streak alive.
February: Super Sunday finds the Eagles meeting the Colts. The Colts hold a 15-10 lead after three quarters, when coach Jim Caldwell decides to rest Peyton Manning. Donovan McNabb leads a ferocious onslaught as the Eagles finally win the Big One, 30-15. Philly fans greet the team at the airport, and pelt Michael Vick, who fumbled twice, with snowballs.
March: March Madness turns into March Malaise as no mid-majors advance to the Sweet Sixteen. Even worse, John Calipari leads Kentucky to the title with a convincing win over West Virginia. “I’m gone,” says fabulous freshman John Wall, announcing for the NBA draft. “I can’t do any more here. Besides, they’ll be on probation in no time.”
April: Tiger Woods —remember him? — finally resurfaces at the Masters. Though dogged by the media, he’s totally ignored by Augusta’s patrons. Just as well. He misses the cut, and goes underground again.
Had he stuck around, he’d have witnessed a stirring victory by K. J. Choi. Baseball begins on Easter evening, as new Yankee ace Javier Vazquez shuts out the Red Sox for eight innings.
But Casey Kotchman singles in the winning run off Mariano Rivera in the ninth. The next day, Braves ace Tim Hudson beats the Cubs, 5-1. “He pitched good,” says Braves manager Bobby Cox. “So did Piniella.” The Cubs manager was ejected for throwing a base in the sixth inning. The base hit umpire Ed Rapuano just below the waist.
May: After uncovering myriad recruiting improprieties, the NCAA places Tennessee’s football program on probation, takes away six scholarships, and disbands the Orange Pride escort service.
“Thank goodness,” says coach Lane Kiffin, “I can still fly around in that big orange plane.” The busy enforcement staff also forces Kentucky’s basketball team to vacate its national championship, but coach Calipari is cleared of any personal wrongdoing. Former coach Bobby Knight calls the ruling “a pure travesty.”
June: Another Woods sighting! This time at Pebble Beach for the US Open. Despite returning to one of his favorite venues, and the warmth of the liberal California galleries, Woods misses the cut. Even worse, Phil Mickelson breaks Woods’ Open scoring record with a remarkable display of prowess and patience.
“The key to my success?” wonders Mickelson. “Clean living.” The Hawks — yes, the Atlanta Hawks — make it to the NBA Finals. Alas, in Game Seven, Josh Smith draws an ejection, and the Nuggets finally win a title for George Karl. “Perhaps now the owners will want to discuss a new contract,” opines Hawks coach Mike Woodson. “Good luck to them.”
July: The Braves reach the All-Star break with a four-game lead over the Phils. New slugger Troy Glaus leads the league in homers and RBI.
“He’s really hit good!” exclaims Cox. That takes the edge off the fact that Vazquez is the All-Star game starter.
August: It’s almost football time, and Urban Meyer has no plans to return to the field. “I’m finally starting to relax,” says Meyer, reached on an Alaskan fishing trip with recently retired Brett Favre.
September: Tech mauls its first four opponents, averaging 44.4 points per game, best in the nation.
“Yeah, but some defense would be nice,” laments coach Johnson. They have plenty of defense in Athens, where the Dogs surrender 10 points.
For the entire month. “Everyone expects us to attack,” admits new coordinator Joe Kines. “No one expects us to just sit back, read, and react.”
October: The Braves survive the playoffs, and reach their first World Series in a decade. “They all played good, real good!” exclaims Cox.
“I just can’t say enough about how good the guys played.” The Series goes seven games, but the final pitching matchup favors the Yankees:
Vazquez against Derek Lowe. Surprise! Melky Cabrera homers off Rivera to deliver the Braves’ second world championship.
November: Cox announces that he’ll return for one more final season. “This year just went too good,” explains Cox. Tech and Georgia meet in Athens in a battle of the nation’s best offense against the nation’s best defense.
Turns out the key matchup is Georgia’s offense running over Tech’s defense. Again. After the loss, Johnson cans his entire defensive staff in toto.
December: Favre returns to the Vikings, and Meyer announces he’ll return to the Gator sideline for the Outback Bowl against Purdue. “I’ve always liked Tampa,” says Meyer. “Good fishing.”
January: Do they really want him back? Urban Meyer’s leave of absence begins right after coachless Cincinnati mauls the Gators, 28-13, in the Sugar Bowl. “I don’t feel real good,” acknowledges Meyer. “I need some time off.” Tech drubs Iowa, 42-40, prompting coach Paul Johnson to remark, “Maybe coach Richt had it right; maybe we need some new defensive coaches.” The best bowl game ever sees TCU outlast Boise State, 72-70, in eight overtimes. When Alabama defeats Texas, 6-0, in a game as dull as dry toast for the mythical national championship, the entire nation erupts against the BCS. The Falcons, with no kicking game, lose to Tampa Bay to keep their non-consecutive-winning-seasons streak alive.
February: Super Sunday finds the Eagles meeting the Colts. The Colts hold a 15-10 lead after three quarters, when coach Jim Caldwell decides to rest Peyton Manning. Donovan McNabb leads a ferocious onslaught as the Eagles finally win the Big One, 30-15. Philly fans greet the team at the airport, and pelt Michael Vick, who fumbled twice, with snowballs.
March: March Madness turns into March Malaise as no mid-majors advance to the Sweet Sixteen. Even worse, John Calipari leads Kentucky to the title with a convincing win over West Virginia. “I’m gone,” says fabulous freshman John Wall, announcing for the NBA draft. “I can’t do any more here. Besides, they’ll be on probation in no time.”
April: Tiger Woods —remember him? — finally resurfaces at the Masters. Though dogged by the media, he’s totally ignored by Augusta’s patrons. Just as well. He misses the cut, and goes underground again.
Had he stuck around, he’d have witnessed a stirring victory by K. J. Choi. Baseball begins on Easter evening, as new Yankee ace Javier Vazquez shuts out the Red Sox for eight innings.
But Casey Kotchman singles in the winning run off Mariano Rivera in the ninth. The next day, Braves ace Tim Hudson beats the Cubs, 5-1. “He pitched good,” says Braves manager Bobby Cox. “So did Piniella.” The Cubs manager was ejected for throwing a base in the sixth inning. The base hit umpire Ed Rapuano just below the waist.
May: After uncovering myriad recruiting improprieties, the NCAA places Tennessee’s football program on probation, takes away six scholarships, and disbands the Orange Pride escort service.
“Thank goodness,” says coach Lane Kiffin, “I can still fly around in that big orange plane.” The busy enforcement staff also forces Kentucky’s basketball team to vacate its national championship, but coach Calipari is cleared of any personal wrongdoing. Former coach Bobby Knight calls the ruling “a pure travesty.”
June: Another Woods sighting! This time at Pebble Beach for the US Open. Despite returning to one of his favorite venues, and the warmth of the liberal California galleries, Woods misses the cut. Even worse, Phil Mickelson breaks Woods’ Open scoring record with a remarkable display of prowess and patience.
“The key to my success?” wonders Mickelson. “Clean living.” The Hawks — yes, the Atlanta Hawks — make it to the NBA Finals. Alas, in Game Seven, Josh Smith draws an ejection, and the Nuggets finally win a title for George Karl. “Perhaps now the owners will want to discuss a new contract,” opines Hawks coach Mike Woodson. “Good luck to them.”
July: The Braves reach the All-Star break with a four-game lead over the Phils. New slugger Troy Glaus leads the league in homers and RBI.
“He’s really hit good!” exclaims Cox. That takes the edge off the fact that Vazquez is the All-Star game starter.
August: It’s almost football time, and Urban Meyer has no plans to return to the field. “I’m finally starting to relax,” says Meyer, reached on an Alaskan fishing trip with recently retired Brett Favre.
September: Tech mauls its first four opponents, averaging 44.4 points per game, best in the nation.
“Yeah, but some defense would be nice,” laments coach Johnson. They have plenty of defense in Athens, where the Dogs surrender 10 points.
For the entire month. “Everyone expects us to attack,” admits new coordinator Joe Kines. “No one expects us to just sit back, read, and react.”
October: The Braves survive the playoffs, and reach their first World Series in a decade. “They all played good, real good!” exclaims Cox.
“I just can’t say enough about how good the guys played.” The Series goes seven games, but the final pitching matchup favors the Yankees:
Vazquez against Derek Lowe. Surprise! Melky Cabrera homers off Rivera to deliver the Braves’ second world championship.
November: Cox announces that he’ll return for one more final season. “This year just went too good,” explains Cox. Tech and Georgia meet in Athens in a battle of the nation’s best offense against the nation’s best defense.
Turns out the key matchup is Georgia’s offense running over Tech’s defense. Again. After the loss, Johnson cans his entire defensive staff in toto.
December: Favre returns to the Vikings, and Meyer announces he’ll return to the Gator sideline for the Outback Bowl against Purdue. “I’ve always liked Tampa,” says Meyer. “Good fishing.”